Captain Catastrophe returns from vacation

I just came back from a fantastic vacation.

I went with my brother and two of his friends to four different theme

parks.

First, we went to Indiana Beach, which is a theme park out in the middle

of the corn fields at this superfluous lake in the middle of nowhere. We

hit 15 rides including some really good wooden roller coasters. Not

nearly the biggest and best of the trip, but lots of fun. The new mine

car ride there was a big surprise.

Kings Island, near to Cincinnati, is home of the world’s largest wooden

roller coaster: The Beast. It was brutally hot. We mitigated that with

some well timed water rides and clicked up 19 more rides.

Geauga Lake, just outside Cleveland, was again an interesting theme

park. As usual when we visit that park, it was overcast and rainy from

time to time. Unlike Great America, they keep the rides running even in

a drizzle. We racked up 16 more rides, but the Captain only reared his

head once.

We got on the ride “The Dominator” just as the rain started to kick in

full bore. We left the station and the gentle but steady rain soaked us

to the bone.

Then, we went down the “big hill.” We were moving at freeway speeds down

the track as we were stung by drop after drop. The rain seemed to bore

into our skin as we slid smoothly through the ride. All we could do is

shout out “Owie!”

Then, your friend the Captain had not had enough. A ride now dubbed

Thunderhawk, that I used to know under the mucho-cool name “Serial

Thriller” was calling my name. We had just all went on the ride in the

front car. It is an inverted roller coaster (like Batman at Great

America) but I wanted just one more ride. I went up and saw the second

row was just walk up–which I did.

As we left the station, I looked up where the wheels meet the rail. A

little plastic holding cup was there and when we leaned back to go up

the lift hill, the entire contents of that pail dumped into my lap. I

was now drenched. But the ride wasn’t done with me. The wheels above

slipped across the rails spitting fluid directly in face. I was becoming

drenched. I finally returned to the station a completely drenched man.

Our last stop was Cedar Point. 15 more rides including 2 spins on the

chart topping “Millenium Force” with an initial 300 foot drop. It was

our longest wait of the day for about an hour each time.

By the way, do you know what is the most important thing is to do before

entering a line at a theme park? Apparently, it is charging up your cell

phone. During the aforementioned one hour line, I counted 23 distinct

telephone conversations going on. Now most of these people apparently

came to the park with someone, who they are currently ignoring, to talk

to someone who didn’t care to come to the park in the first place. How

rude is that?

Well, at least a bucket water didn’t pour on their lap.

The Captain

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