I have a number of birds that visit my backyard. Robins. Sparrows.
Finchies. All sorts of little winged varmits.
But I’m fairly certain they are members of the mafia.
These birds are, indeed, mobbed up.
I have this bird feeder hanging from the gable of my garage. Here’s how
they work it:
A bird, I think it’s the finch, sits up on one of the branches of the
tree. He looks around. But not calm. All skittish. You know he’s up to
something.
Then he does this little whistle, see, and dese other boids come over.
And dey start collectin around da feeder.
That’s when the Godfatha comes out. He’s the chipmunk. He strolls by all
casual and positions himself below da feeder.
Da other boids then spill the seed–all over my sidewalk!–and the
‘munk. He makes off with it. Dese birds aren’t too smart, get me? I
mean, if dey keep it up in da feeder, the ‘munk gets nothin. Dis here
way, he makes off with da loot. Dumb.
When I comes a walkin down da sidewalk, da finch let’s a shout out. I
think he’s saying something like, “Watch out! He’s got a gun! Run, you
birdbrains.”
Well, dat’s exceedingly stoopid, see, cuz I’m not carrying a gun. What I
have here is a shovel. I’m a little more–hands on. I mean dese here
birds is dumb.
Enough of that mafia tough talk.
Another thing, they are always eating. If you watch the mob movies, the
interesting stuff (like the whack Pacino does in the first Godfather) is
always in the restaurant. Bad things happen to mobsters when they eat.
Which apparently is why they EAT ALL THE TIME!
Mobsters aren’t too smart, either, if that’s the case.
Anyway, if anyone wants to learn about the wildlife protection racket (I
think they may have caused Monkeypox) just visit my back yard. It’s a
regular Bada Bing.
Captain Catastrophe
p.s. Bike ride went well today. Hit a curb on a turn I didn’t judge
well, but I stayed upright!